forever young

I watch everyone like a crow. So many young faces—full of naive dreams and hope. I am 20, and yet I know that in seconds I will be 80. I try so hard not to live in the future, but to soak up every single second of the present, and yet, it is never quite enough. It never outweighs the grief that comes with knowing that at any moment life will have simply become a strip of memories left behind by you and only you and that in only a 100 years, no one will have even know you once existed, unless your name somehow remains known. Each day that passes, I am reminded in a slightly heavier way that life is only a blip and then you are gone for good. Even if I come back, I will not remember this life and that is what makes it so absolutely beautiful. How unnecessary is it that I am already grieving this life as though it is gone? As though I am already experiencing my death hour? I suppose if you take into account that time is relative, then I am already trying to come to terms with it ending as though I have time travelled to my older self. I am already experiencing this very acceptance, my very last few breaths, at just a different age, but it is happening right now as I am writing this. It is moments like these that make me wonder if this very moment is simply a dream, a memory that my soul is experiencing after having already passed. That I am simply reliving this very moment, but that due to memory loss, I cannot quite remember or comprehend how I have already passed and that is not even real. Perhaps that could explain the constant Deja vu and feeling like I have already met everyone I have met at another time….well either way, as I walked home today and looked at all of the young adults around me, I saw their little selves, I saw the dreams and hopes they must be holding onto and working towards, the infinite youth they must feel they have. I saw how young they are, while also seeing that they too will eventually become old and leave this Earth, just as I will. I realized that it would be a true shame to avoid connecting with people as often as possible, because we are all in this together. We will all pass some day, so why not appreciate each other a little bit more by at least looking at one another in the eyes and smiling? By giving our time of day to get to know each other’s beautiful story? Everyone is so beautiful in their own way. I wish that everyone realized how beautiful we all are, so that we would not waste this short life on meaningless prejudices, stereotypes, resentment, and hatred. I just think it is truly impeccable that we all differ in the types of dreams and goals we have chosen for ourselves and the ways in which we have played with the cards we have been dealt, and yet, how despite these illusory differences, we are all of the same race, of the same beginning, middle, and end. I guess that is what coming back to yourself is all about. I guess that is what waking up is all about. It is to remember that we are all in this together and that everyone’s story is beautiful and worthy to be heard of. That ultimately, each person’s actions (at least people who are at least somewhat conscious) take actions either for love or due to the absence of it. People only attach themselves to materialism, to judgement, to hatred, to reaching success, and so on, because those are just the walls they have built from the hurt they have experienced. To be vulnerable and open is to walk around completely naked and exposed, without any armor protecting you from even the smallest of scratches. I think that is the bravest thing one can do in this kind of world. To decide to walk among the world without walls, so as a way to remain truly open and loving, while knowing that you are taking a huge risk. It is to simply surrender and trust that your soul is strong enough to be able to handle any obstacles that come your way. You see, when you have reached the depths of hell…when you have had moments in your life where you did not want to live and when you lost yourself completely, it builds character for life. Because once you know that you went through something that traumatic and still made it out on the other end, then that is precisely the moment you understand that you can get past anything. It truly builds resilience.