Through these years 

My pain has traveled far and soar 

My shield which holds my lore becoming thicker and building a stronger guard around my heart 

Oh how my heart has swelled with tears that are enough to fill oceans 

I spent years hoping someone would see through the melancholy my soul seems to carry 

But I had to bury that hope 

For finding the love within myself and letting go of the need to have someone validate my existence 

Was the only way I could truly break free

And I do feel free 

But sometimes I merely feel as free as a bird that’s been released into the wild after spending most of its life in a cage 

Some days I feel brave, other days I feel rage 

Some days I still wish to be saved from my own loneliness 

It’s made a home within me which is both beautiful and terribly sad 

I’m still trying to find out who I am and whether I can achieve my dreams even when I feel that I began the race way later than most 

They seem to possess the natural confidence and skills to connect to people so easily 

While I only recently learned how to hold my chin up high 

And I know comparison is the thief of joy 

But I feel like an infant in this adult world, only now learning how to accept my existence and the space I deserve to take up 

And this acceptance has all been done for the sake of my younger self 

Who always felt out of place because I was never quite going at the pace as the other children seemed to go at

And don’t get me wrong, I do not feel bitter 

For having experienced these set backs 

For they have shaped me into the sensitive, loving, and caring person I try to be today 

But sometimes I wish that I could simply exist as I am, with my heart on my sleeve, without feeling like I need to protect it from people who do not wish to hold it, but rather play with it and use it

For the people who have done so have contributed to the extra layers stacked upon my ever growing shield 

And the thicker that the shield grows, the harder I find it to connect with others, and the lonelier I become 

But I digress

I know that only I am in charge of the way I perceive the world and its inhabitants 

And that only I drive myself further and further from people each time I get hurt 

That only I am a victim to my own beliefs 

But sometimes I just wish that someone could release me from my own madness

By taking the time to undress the layers of pain

And helping me feel sane 

By letting the rain pour out of my eyes into the palms of someone genuinely willing and honored to hold it 

And admire the inner and outer workings of my brain 

Despite the love I have for myself

This, this is what I still secretly daydream of, forevermore 

And though I know that there is a chance I may daydream of this, for forever 

It is in all of the infinitely small and grand ways that I reminded of why life is okay and that love in other forms exists 

Whether it is in a smile from a child 

Or the scent the flowers release even when standing some feet away from them 

Or an instrument that is played in a busy centre 

Or the leaves that seem to wave to me as I walk past them and the wind brushes through them 

Or the songs that give birth to love, to fire, to magic 

These are all things that remind me that although my pain has traveled far and soar, so has the love and hope, which only continues to grow the older I grow